Thursday, October 23, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
faith, change and grief
Over the past 20 years of my life, I have changed very little. If you had shown people a photograph of me at 37 when I was 17, most people would have shown little surprise. Nice, clean cut husband, cute kids, in church every Sunday. This was all expected. Even my journey to this point on paper would have raised few eyebrows. A Christian college education, 2.5 years as a missionary, a virgin on my wedding day, stay-at-home mom for my kids when they were infants and toddlers. This was the script and these were the expectations. And I have chosen gladly to do these things and am so thankful for the life I've had.
On the other hand...
Over the past 20 years of my life, I have changed A LOT. If you had told someone that I would be a Presbyterian and even more shocking, almost a Presbyterian minister, it would have been unthinkable for me at 17. I couldn't have even told you what being Presbyterian meant. I guess I could have changed more... I could have started using drugs and abusing alcohol and spending my nights with lots of different people. Yes, that would have been a big change. But for me the changes were in my approach to life, to theology, to the Bible and to Jesus. Somewhere in the last 20 years, I slowly crept over many of the lines that had been drawn for me between conservative and liberal, evangelical and mainline. The funny thing is it happened so slowly. It was always a case of me EMBRACING God, life, theology, the Bible and Jesus even more deeply, not less.
And so it surprises me sometimes that I have lost friendships because of these changes. It surprises me that others aren't supporting me without reserve. It surprises me when people don't see the continuum of love for God and desire to bless the world that has run through the last 20 years and brought me to this point. But the reality is many don't. Though I know how much I've changed and I'm well aware of how that might be threatening to those that have not made the same changes, it is still a surprise.
Some days, I take it all lightly. "I understand," I say. "I know how it must seem to them."
Other days, I am shocked, saddened and spend days, weeks, months, years grieving the lost closeness, the relationships that have been and are so important to me.
And on other days, I am hurt by the way others' beliefs exclude me. It hurts that to some, I would no longer be even a follower of Christ.
Part of me wants to stop being surprised. It would hurt a lot less. But the surprise reminds me again and again that inasmuch as I've "left" anything, it has only been a journey closer to home and closer to God. It reminds me of how deeply I still love and cherish the people, places and circumstances of my life even if I can never go back. And I hope I am learning to be thankful for all that has been and carry it with me into what will be.
On the other hand...
Over the past 20 years of my life, I have changed A LOT. If you had told someone that I would be a Presbyterian and even more shocking, almost a Presbyterian minister, it would have been unthinkable for me at 17. I couldn't have even told you what being Presbyterian meant. I guess I could have changed more... I could have started using drugs and abusing alcohol and spending my nights with lots of different people. Yes, that would have been a big change. But for me the changes were in my approach to life, to theology, to the Bible and to Jesus. Somewhere in the last 20 years, I slowly crept over many of the lines that had been drawn for me between conservative and liberal, evangelical and mainline. The funny thing is it happened so slowly. It was always a case of me EMBRACING God, life, theology, the Bible and Jesus even more deeply, not less.
And so it surprises me sometimes that I have lost friendships because of these changes. It surprises me that others aren't supporting me without reserve. It surprises me when people don't see the continuum of love for God and desire to bless the world that has run through the last 20 years and brought me to this point. But the reality is many don't. Though I know how much I've changed and I'm well aware of how that might be threatening to those that have not made the same changes, it is still a surprise.
Some days, I take it all lightly. "I understand," I say. "I know how it must seem to them."
Other days, I am shocked, saddened and spend days, weeks, months, years grieving the lost closeness, the relationships that have been and are so important to me.
And on other days, I am hurt by the way others' beliefs exclude me. It hurts that to some, I would no longer be even a follower of Christ.
Part of me wants to stop being surprised. It would hurt a lot less. But the surprise reminds me again and again that inasmuch as I've "left" anything, it has only been a journey closer to home and closer to God. It reminds me of how deeply I still love and cherish the people, places and circumstances of my life even if I can never go back. And I hope I am learning to be thankful for all that has been and carry it with me into what will be.
And the people who love me still ask me,
"When are you coming back to town?"
And I answer, quite frankly,
"When they stop building roads
and there ain't no more highways to be found...
and all God needs is gravity to hold me down."
Alison Krauss, "Gravity"
Monday, August 25, 2008
true self, false self
In the world of spiritual formation, there is a lot of talk about true self/false self. The false self is what we put up to be accepted and valued by others. It can develop in a lot of ways. Richard Rohr says most people spend the first 35 years of their lives building up the false self and then at that point, there is some sort of a crisis that forces them to either live in defense of their false self or (preferably) to begin a journey in which they leave the false self and become their true self. Our true selves are who we are made to be, not who we become by virtue of our self-protective defenses.
This is an interesting question when it comes to the differences between men and women. When many men hear this, they think about the big ego they have put up to protect themselves and the hard wall of impenetrability. But women are usually different. My good friend Gwen has written an entire dissertation on this (someday it will be a book!) but I wanted to write about my confrontation with my true self recently which hopefully illuminates a female perspective on this issue.
When I was in high school, I spent hours up at my friend Russ and Yvonne's house. It is a tiny house nestled by beautiful hills that slope up to Mt Diablo and it is where Russ grew up. I would sit with them for hours with their kids running all around us and talk theology (though I wouldn't have called it that then). We all shared a deep love for Jesus and a deep suspicion of the church and this angst gave rise to lots of good discussion.
Well, I moved to Europe, got married and had babies and we have hardly seen each other in the past few years and I haven't been up to their house in maybe 10 years. On Wednesday I had an appointment at my new church in Clayton and so Yvonne and I got together afterwards. I went out to their house and we had another of our good chats. Russ came home about half way through and after sitting down, he got right to the point of my big shift since I've seen him... being a pastor.
I know Russ well enough to know that he and I probably have some differing views on the Bible and probably on the ordination of women so I was a little defensive. And here comes the false self... I was all apologetic, saying what a surprise it was to me of all people who had never sought this position which is true in one sense. But Russ, ever the truth-teller, looked at me and said, "Jenny, you've always pushed the envelope. I'm not surprised at all. A lot of people feel like they have to become a "nice" Christian when they follow Jesus but I think you just keep becoming more and more of who you truly are."
It's been almost a week now and his comment keep coming back to me. It is both encouraging and condemning. It is encouraging because he is right and despite what others may assume of me, I have always been an edge-dweller when it comes to theology and practice... willing to explore the boundaries, finding Jesus ever present there and not afraid of falling off some proverbial cliff into heretical thought.
But it is also condemning because I do hide behind this "I'm just an ex-fundamentalist who somehow fell into this pastoring/theology gig and I don't know how in the world it ever happened to me" false self. That has been formed in response to the expectations of women in many of the institutions I have been. It has allowed me to remain in neutral silence when I probably should speak. It has protected me from risking hurt in institutions that still struggle with patriarchy. And what is more... I have believed this to be my true self.
I think this is true of many women, particularly in churches. We are taught that we should be demure and quiet and we build up a false self around that expectation. Many of us have been denied a voice or not shown what it's like for a woman to express her true self. I don't mean that we are then loud and abrasive but sometimes it may seem that way as we begin to find our way back.
So, this is part of my hope for this next year of internship and as I emerge from 9 years of kids at home... to risk my true self and to trust God to be present there. For SHE-who-is certainly is NOT in the false self that denies who I am and hides behind the assumed expectations of others.
This is an interesting question when it comes to the differences between men and women. When many men hear this, they think about the big ego they have put up to protect themselves and the hard wall of impenetrability. But women are usually different. My good friend Gwen has written an entire dissertation on this (someday it will be a book!) but I wanted to write about my confrontation with my true self recently which hopefully illuminates a female perspective on this issue.
When I was in high school, I spent hours up at my friend Russ and Yvonne's house. It is a tiny house nestled by beautiful hills that slope up to Mt Diablo and it is where Russ grew up. I would sit with them for hours with their kids running all around us and talk theology (though I wouldn't have called it that then). We all shared a deep love for Jesus and a deep suspicion of the church and this angst gave rise to lots of good discussion.
Well, I moved to Europe, got married and had babies and we have hardly seen each other in the past few years and I haven't been up to their house in maybe 10 years. On Wednesday I had an appointment at my new church in Clayton and so Yvonne and I got together afterwards. I went out to their house and we had another of our good chats. Russ came home about half way through and after sitting down, he got right to the point of my big shift since I've seen him... being a pastor.
I know Russ well enough to know that he and I probably have some differing views on the Bible and probably on the ordination of women so I was a little defensive. And here comes the false self... I was all apologetic, saying what a surprise it was to me of all people who had never sought this position which is true in one sense. But Russ, ever the truth-teller, looked at me and said, "Jenny, you've always pushed the envelope. I'm not surprised at all. A lot of people feel like they have to become a "nice" Christian when they follow Jesus but I think you just keep becoming more and more of who you truly are."
It's been almost a week now and his comment keep coming back to me. It is both encouraging and condemning. It is encouraging because he is right and despite what others may assume of me, I have always been an edge-dweller when it comes to theology and practice... willing to explore the boundaries, finding Jesus ever present there and not afraid of falling off some proverbial cliff into heretical thought.
But it is also condemning because I do hide behind this "I'm just an ex-fundamentalist who somehow fell into this pastoring/theology gig and I don't know how in the world it ever happened to me" false self. That has been formed in response to the expectations of women in many of the institutions I have been. It has allowed me to remain in neutral silence when I probably should speak. It has protected me from risking hurt in institutions that still struggle with patriarchy. And what is more... I have believed this to be my true self.
I think this is true of many women, particularly in churches. We are taught that we should be demure and quiet and we build up a false self around that expectation. Many of us have been denied a voice or not shown what it's like for a woman to express her true self. I don't mean that we are then loud and abrasive but sometimes it may seem that way as we begin to find our way back.
So, this is part of my hope for this next year of internship and as I emerge from 9 years of kids at home... to risk my true self and to trust God to be present there. For SHE-who-is certainly is NOT in the false self that denies who I am and hides behind the assumed expectations of others.
"I believe that we have no real access to who we really are except in God. Only when we rest in God can we find the safety, the spaciousness, and the scary freedom to be who we are, all that we are, more than we are, and less than we are... All other systems exclude, expel, punish and protect to find identity for their members in ideological perfection or some kind of "purity." Richard Rohr Everything Belongs
Sunday, August 3, 2008
the gift and curse of prophetic preaching
I told Chris this morning that I wish I could make people feel a little better. You know, tell them to go out and get a massage or have a nice dinner out. But that is not what preaching is about and if you are preaching Scripture, it's probably going to make people a little uncomfortable.
As an individual, this is not my normal pattern. I like to please, say the right thing, soothe hurts, comfort and listen. But as a preacher, I can't do this. I can't get away from the radical calls of Scripture to give all we have and live in self-giving love.
So this morning's text was the feeding of the 5000. I love this story. Once again, the congregation at Ygnacio Valley was very generous and encouraging. It is amazing the life that these smaller, grayer congregations hold. Here's the text for any that are interested...
““You give them something to eat.” Of all the words of Jesus that we have memorized in Sunday School and posted on the walls of our churches, this usually doesn’t make it. We prefer other words like, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” or “Cast all your cares upon God.” This is not a sentence we want to dwell on.
However, it turns out to be the focal point of this important story. This story is in all four gospels and in Matthew and Mark, there are two feedings mentioned. One of the feedings takes place in Galilee, presumably with a Jewish crowd. The other feeding is in Gentile territory, in Tyre and Sidon. And though we rarely see it these days, the early church’s image of the Lord’s Table often included bread, wine and fish, making a direct reference to this story. The feast for a multitude where everyone was fed and welcomed was central to the early church’s self-understanding.
Walk through the story with me.
This passage opens up in a place of deep grief. John the Baptist has been murdered by Herod. Herod got caught in a display of his power and was dared to kill John. He went through with it to protect his own reputation.
Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself. (v.13) Jesus withdraws after hearing the news of John the Baptist. We can imagine what he is feeling. He is grieving for his friend, partner in ministry and the Bible says, his cousin. Perhaps, he is withdrawing out of fear and anxiety, seeing what happens to John who has shared his message that threatens empire. Jesus may be looking ahead at what waits for him. He takes all of these feelings and looks to be alone in a deserted place.
But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them and cured their sick. (v.13-14) This must have been the last thing he wanted. You don’t go to a deserted place to be followed by a crowd. You go to be alone, to heal, to rest, to listen. But his compassion – his feeling with them – led him to spend the day healing rather than in solitude.
When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a deserted place, and the hour is now late; send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves. Jesus said to them, “They need not go away… You give them something to eat.” (v. 15-16) Let’s stay here a minute. The disciples don’t know what’s ahead. They are tired. They are probably grieving and afraid as well. They want to rest and they know Jesus needs to rest. Isn’t it the kindest thing to do to send everyone away. Additionally, some commentators remind us that there were rules for who a Jew eats with and how they eat. How could they manage to stay kosher while feeding such a crowd?
“You give them something to eat”
Notice what Jesus doesn’t say. “Oh, they’re hungry? Well, let me just make some dinner appear and abra-cadabra, here it is!” Or, he had just cured the sick, it seems an easy task to fill the crowds’ stomachs!
The disciples would have liked a miracle right away, “Okay, instead of sending them away, you’ll take care of it Jesus? Great… we’re still off the hook.”
But no, “You give them something to eat”
See them turning their heads, looking behind them – there are probably 10,000 people out there! You want US to give them something to eat? We don’t have any food, we can’t guarantee that the meal will follow all the proper dietary laws. We have nothing.
“Nothing?”
Well okay… five loaves and two fish and we were kind of hoping the 13 of us would eat that for dinner.
“Bring them here to me.”
The disciples reluctantly pulled out what they had, their own dinner, and handed it to Jesus. Who blessed it… and somehow there was enough for everyone. “Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, and blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And all ate and were filled; and they took up what was left over of the broken pieces, twelve baskets full. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.” (v.19-20)
We see how this feast became the foundation of the early church in Acts 2:44-47:
All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day, the Lord added to their number those who were being saved.
The early church lived in radical hospitality and generosity. They refused to make someone else’s hunger the other’s problem or even just God’s problem. No, it’s our problem. It’s my problem. It’s your problem. “You give them something to eat.”
In the contemporary church, we face the same temptation as the disciples. Some of want to make the needs of others’ God’s problem. We think God should be the one to swoop in and save in a miraculous act. Until then, there’s nothing we can do. Some of us think it’s up to others. It’s a “God helps those who help themselves” kind of attitude. Some of us are afraid that eating with someone outside of our group is going to make us a little dirty. We are more concerned with keeping ourselves clean than with feeding the hungry.
But none of these are an option in this text. Jesus looks directly at us and says, “You give them something to eat.”
This generosity and commitment to a feast for all is the heart of our faith. We see it throughout Scripture as God asks those who think they have nothing to give what they have. Moses in front of the burning bush didn’t want to go back to Egypt and make the Israelites’ oppression his problem. Gideon didn’t think he had the courage to lead God’s people in battle. David was the youngest and smallest son. He wasn’t supposed to be king. Zaccheus had been a tax collector, cheating others out of their money. Paul was persecuting the church. But God said to each of them, “You give them something to eat.” Bring what you have to me and I will bless it. It is enough.
Like Jesus and his disciples, we are often tired, hungry, sad and afraid. We are nervous about what norms we might break if we live generously. It is in those places that Jesus asks us to give what we have even when it feels like nothing. This is very gritty but it is the consistent call of Scripture and the witness of holy women and men throughout history bear witness to the power of this generosity.
“You give them something to eat.”
Synthesis
Victor Frankl who survived a concentration camp writes a very poignant story that sweeps away all our reservations:
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number… but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of his freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’ own way. (Linn, Sleeping with Bread, 44).
“You give them something to eat.”
Jesus knew his disciples did have something. They did have the power to choose to give the little they ad. I believe that when the church begins to live like this, when we take what we have and give it to Jesus, God does bless. The world’s literal hunger for food and its spiritual hunger for meaning and for love begin to be filled. We begin to see the ancient prophet Isaiah’s words come to pass.
Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of injustice,
to undo the thongs of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover them,
and not to hide yourself from your own kin?
Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up quickly;
your vindicator shall go before you,
the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am.
(Isaiah 58:6-9)
Imagine how the disciples felt when they saw what they had given – what they said was “nothing” – was multiplied and fed a crowd. Just like Isaiah said, when we give, we find healing and blessing, not to the exclusion of others but along with them.s
You may think you have nothing. Scrounge around in your pockets and through your purse and bring what you find to Jesus and watch him bless it as you start handing it out.
“You give them something to eat.”
As an individual, this is not my normal pattern. I like to please, say the right thing, soothe hurts, comfort and listen. But as a preacher, I can't do this. I can't get away from the radical calls of Scripture to give all we have and live in self-giving love.
So this morning's text was the feeding of the 5000. I love this story. Once again, the congregation at Ygnacio Valley was very generous and encouraging. It is amazing the life that these smaller, grayer congregations hold. Here's the text for any that are interested...
““You give them something to eat.” Of all the words of Jesus that we have memorized in Sunday School and posted on the walls of our churches, this usually doesn’t make it. We prefer other words like, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” or “Cast all your cares upon God.” This is not a sentence we want to dwell on.
However, it turns out to be the focal point of this important story. This story is in all four gospels and in Matthew and Mark, there are two feedings mentioned. One of the feedings takes place in Galilee, presumably with a Jewish crowd. The other feeding is in Gentile territory, in Tyre and Sidon. And though we rarely see it these days, the early church’s image of the Lord’s Table often included bread, wine and fish, making a direct reference to this story. The feast for a multitude where everyone was fed and welcomed was central to the early church’s self-understanding.
Walk through the story with me.
This passage opens up in a place of deep grief. John the Baptist has been murdered by Herod. Herod got caught in a display of his power and was dared to kill John. He went through with it to protect his own reputation.
Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself. (v.13) Jesus withdraws after hearing the news of John the Baptist. We can imagine what he is feeling. He is grieving for his friend, partner in ministry and the Bible says, his cousin. Perhaps, he is withdrawing out of fear and anxiety, seeing what happens to John who has shared his message that threatens empire. Jesus may be looking ahead at what waits for him. He takes all of these feelings and looks to be alone in a deserted place.
But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them and cured their sick. (v.13-14) This must have been the last thing he wanted. You don’t go to a deserted place to be followed by a crowd. You go to be alone, to heal, to rest, to listen. But his compassion – his feeling with them – led him to spend the day healing rather than in solitude.
When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a deserted place, and the hour is now late; send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves. Jesus said to them, “They need not go away… You give them something to eat.” (v. 15-16) Let’s stay here a minute. The disciples don’t know what’s ahead. They are tired. They are probably grieving and afraid as well. They want to rest and they know Jesus needs to rest. Isn’t it the kindest thing to do to send everyone away. Additionally, some commentators remind us that there were rules for who a Jew eats with and how they eat. How could they manage to stay kosher while feeding such a crowd?
“You give them something to eat”
Notice what Jesus doesn’t say. “Oh, they’re hungry? Well, let me just make some dinner appear and abra-cadabra, here it is!” Or, he had just cured the sick, it seems an easy task to fill the crowds’ stomachs!
The disciples would have liked a miracle right away, “Okay, instead of sending them away, you’ll take care of it Jesus? Great… we’re still off the hook.”
But no, “You give them something to eat”
See them turning their heads, looking behind them – there are probably 10,000 people out there! You want US to give them something to eat? We don’t have any food, we can’t guarantee that the meal will follow all the proper dietary laws. We have nothing.
“Nothing?”
Well okay… five loaves and two fish and we were kind of hoping the 13 of us would eat that for dinner.
“Bring them here to me.”
The disciples reluctantly pulled out what they had, their own dinner, and handed it to Jesus. Who blessed it… and somehow there was enough for everyone. “Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, and blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And all ate and were filled; and they took up what was left over of the broken pieces, twelve baskets full. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.” (v.19-20)
We see how this feast became the foundation of the early church in Acts 2:44-47:
All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day, the Lord added to their number those who were being saved.
The early church lived in radical hospitality and generosity. They refused to make someone else’s hunger the other’s problem or even just God’s problem. No, it’s our problem. It’s my problem. It’s your problem. “You give them something to eat.”
In the contemporary church, we face the same temptation as the disciples. Some of want to make the needs of others’ God’s problem. We think God should be the one to swoop in and save in a miraculous act. Until then, there’s nothing we can do. Some of us think it’s up to others. It’s a “God helps those who help themselves” kind of attitude. Some of us are afraid that eating with someone outside of our group is going to make us a little dirty. We are more concerned with keeping ourselves clean than with feeding the hungry.
But none of these are an option in this text. Jesus looks directly at us and says, “You give them something to eat.”
This generosity and commitment to a feast for all is the heart of our faith. We see it throughout Scripture as God asks those who think they have nothing to give what they have. Moses in front of the burning bush didn’t want to go back to Egypt and make the Israelites’ oppression his problem. Gideon didn’t think he had the courage to lead God’s people in battle. David was the youngest and smallest son. He wasn’t supposed to be king. Zaccheus had been a tax collector, cheating others out of their money. Paul was persecuting the church. But God said to each of them, “You give them something to eat.” Bring what you have to me and I will bless it. It is enough.
Like Jesus and his disciples, we are often tired, hungry, sad and afraid. We are nervous about what norms we might break if we live generously. It is in those places that Jesus asks us to give what we have even when it feels like nothing. This is very gritty but it is the consistent call of Scripture and the witness of holy women and men throughout history bear witness to the power of this generosity.
“You give them something to eat.”
Synthesis
Victor Frankl who survived a concentration camp writes a very poignant story that sweeps away all our reservations:
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number… but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of his freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’ own way. (Linn, Sleeping with Bread, 44).
“You give them something to eat.”
Jesus knew his disciples did have something. They did have the power to choose to give the little they ad. I believe that when the church begins to live like this, when we take what we have and give it to Jesus, God does bless. The world’s literal hunger for food and its spiritual hunger for meaning and for love begin to be filled. We begin to see the ancient prophet Isaiah’s words come to pass.
Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of injustice,
to undo the thongs of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover them,
and not to hide yourself from your own kin?
Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up quickly;
your vindicator shall go before you,
the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am.
(Isaiah 58:6-9)
Imagine how the disciples felt when they saw what they had given – what they said was “nothing” – was multiplied and fed a crowd. Just like Isaiah said, when we give, we find healing and blessing, not to the exclusion of others but along with them.s
You may think you have nothing. Scrounge around in your pockets and through your purse and bring what you find to Jesus and watch him bless it as you start handing it out.
“You give them something to eat.”
Monday, July 28, 2008
the first time in a long time
I preached yesterday morning at a small church about 5 minutes from my house, Ygnacio Valley Presbyterian Church. There were 40 people max there. Sweet older congregation and so encouraging!
It was the first time in 5 years that I had preached which definitely gave me cause for reflection. Five years ago Emme was a baby and I was at the front end of an emotional and spiritual transition that took so much grief, change, leaving and pain. Here I am... 70 units of graduate theological studies, a Presbyterian for goodness sake (hardly knew what one was 5 years ago!) and so close to getting my Masters of Divinity, I can almost reach out and touch the diploma.
The past 5 years have been dark, secret, hidden. For someone who has so many gifts in public ministry and leadership, it has been extremely difficult and full of questions like "am I fooling myself?" "who will ever trust me?" "am i just in this for my own ego?" God's work, as always, has not been blockbuster big but small and quiet reassurances just when I had almost lost all faith.
Preaching yesterday was both familiar and new. Yes, I've done it before but not when I was able to read the text in Greek! And thankfully... yes, truly thankful for this... I felt much less vested in my own advancement and performance. More excited to just be a part of this congregation, worshipping with them and encouraging them to live more fully in the kingdom of God.
So the sermon wasn't brilliant but it was a start. I especially loved finding the kingdom/political/national images in the OT that correlated with the parables in Matthew. Several people have asked about it, so here is my outline I preached from... thanks for reading... I just wish I could attach Audra reading the Scripture to it. She did such a great job at that!
Sermon - July 27, 2008, Mt. 13:31-33, 44-52
What is the kingdom of God or heaven like?
Believe it or not, this question was posed to Barack Obama in this week’s issue of Newsweek. He was asked what he thinks is the kingdom of God? His answer…
Why of all questions was this asked of Obama? Why not his view on who Jesus is? Or what he thinks about the “end times” ideas? Why the kingdom of God?
The editors of Newsweek understand that the kingdom of God is not just confined to religion. It is a political idea.
The idea of kingdom is dangerous because it usually means there is one agenda… the advantage of the king or the king’s interests. Kingdom usually means conquering all that is not in the kingdom and co-opting it for one’s own interests.
Understanding more about the book of Matthew highlights this potentially political message of Jesus
Most scholars assume that Matthew was writing to a Jewish audience in the period of time after the Temple had fallen. Since the temple has fallen, Judaism has lost its primary reference point and there were many voices vying to define what Judaism should be. Matthew is one of those voices. He is writing from a small minority population within Judaism making his case for Jesus and Jesus’ understanding of Judaism.
So we shouldn’t be surprised to find some echoes of the Hebrew Scriptures here and to assume that Matthew’s intended audience would recognize the allusions. And Jesus gives us a clue that we should expect that at the end of this section… “Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like the master of a household who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old.” (v.52)
Let’s start with the OLD.
The images Jesus uses here echo images in Hebrew Scriptures. They represent home, promise, longing and judgment.
- Ezekiel and the tree – Ez. 17
- Sarah making bread from 3 measures of flour – Genesis 18
- Jeremiah and the field – Jer 32
But the application here is not to a kingdom on earth, not the hope of the physical kingdom of Israel… it is the kingdom of HEAVEN.
Matthew is the only one that uses this phrase… “the kingdom of heaven” instead of kingdom of God.
At first glance, this phrase can make the kingdom seem farther off, something to hope for in the far-off future reign of God.
But these parables are anything but other-worldly. Let’s start to look at them.
WHAT IS NEW
What is the kingdom of heaven like?
The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that someone took and sowed in his field; it is the smallest of all the seeds, but when it has grown it is the greatest of shrubs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.”
The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour until all of it was leavened.”
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which someone found and hid; then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls; on finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.
There are volumes to say about each of these but there are also some commonalities.
First, all of these things are found in places that you usually don’t find kingdom.
And they are found people that usually have nothing to do with kingdoms… a farmer, a housewife, a field laborer, a merchant
This is an affront to our assumed idea of kingdom and Jesus seems to be purposely drawing this contrast. The kingdom of heaven is not found in palaces and on battlefields. It is found in the common places doing common tasks, in the smallest of things.
FAITH – you have to know something to see the potential in these small places – that the mustard seed will grow and provide shade for the birds, that the leaven will help the bread to raise and be edible for your family/friends, that the treasure is worth more than the price of the field, that the pearl is worth all you have.
None of the results of these actions were their own. The farmer cannot MAKE the mustard seed grow, nor can the woman make the bread rise… faith in the process
What is our faith in? Sometimes I think that it is hard to see beyond our small worlds… what gives us any basis of faith?
It is the vision of God in Jesus come to earth, opening his arms and declaring that God loves the world and deeply desires to be reconciled. This is the ultimate basis of our faith… a God who LOVES and is constantly seeking reconciliation. When we see this, we begin to recognize the mustard seeds and pearls among us… the small out of the way that we are asked to invest.
Richard Rohr – “The opposite of faith is not doubt, it is fear.”
Second, even though each of these things is found, there is something to be DONE.
The mustard seed must be planted
The yeast must be mixed.
The treasure had to be hid so that the field could be bought at a lower price.
All other pearls must be sold to buy the one pearl of great value.
LOVE – action must be taken – this is our part. This is what makes the kingdom come alive. As Paul says… the greatest of these is love for without love.
Matthew says later it is the cup of cold water to a child, the visit to the prisoner…
Third, each of these parables contains an element of TIME. The kingdom doesn’t fully develop immediately
The mustard seed must grow
The bread must rise
The field had to be bought before the treasure could be claimed.
Likewise, the merchant had to sell everything first
HOPE –a vision of the kingdom of God… Israel called it shalom and we see it revealed in Jesus. As we will look at next week, part of this vision includes all being fed and cared for… Theologians talk about the “now and not yet-ness” of the kingdom. That it is both here and also ahead of us. That instead of moving from past to present to future, the future of God is actually pulling us forward.
Rom. 8:22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now; 23 and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
In this waiting… it is messy and sometimes hard to see., v. 47-50 = the messiness of the kingdom
WHAT IS the kingdom of heaven?
Jesus teaches it is not attached to a political ideology or nation… but has political implications – it affects systems and the lives of others.
When we begin to act in the seeing of faith, the action of love and the expectant waiting of hope, the kingdom of God begins to grow in our lives individually and spills out… the birds find places to nest, bread is fed to the hungry and treasure is opened and shared.
The kingdom begins to grow in us and out from us when we follow in the way of Jesus– in proclaiming release to the captives, welcoming the outcast and comforting the widow.
The kingdom of heaven is found in the smallest of things, planted with courageous faith in acts of love, living in hopeful expectation that the kingdom will grow and all will live fully reconciled to each other, to creation and to God.
It was the first time in 5 years that I had preached which definitely gave me cause for reflection. Five years ago Emme was a baby and I was at the front end of an emotional and spiritual transition that took so much grief, change, leaving and pain. Here I am... 70 units of graduate theological studies, a Presbyterian for goodness sake (hardly knew what one was 5 years ago!) and so close to getting my Masters of Divinity, I can almost reach out and touch the diploma.
The past 5 years have been dark, secret, hidden. For someone who has so many gifts in public ministry and leadership, it has been extremely difficult and full of questions like "am I fooling myself?" "who will ever trust me?" "am i just in this for my own ego?" God's work, as always, has not been blockbuster big but small and quiet reassurances just when I had almost lost all faith.
Preaching yesterday was both familiar and new. Yes, I've done it before but not when I was able to read the text in Greek! And thankfully... yes, truly thankful for this... I felt much less vested in my own advancement and performance. More excited to just be a part of this congregation, worshipping with them and encouraging them to live more fully in the kingdom of God.
So the sermon wasn't brilliant but it was a start. I especially loved finding the kingdom/political/national images in the OT that correlated with the parables in Matthew. Several people have asked about it, so here is my outline I preached from... thanks for reading... I just wish I could attach Audra reading the Scripture to it. She did such a great job at that!
Sermon - July 27, 2008, Mt. 13:31-33, 44-52
What is the kingdom of God or heaven like?
Believe it or not, this question was posed to Barack Obama in this week’s issue of Newsweek. He was asked what he thinks is the kingdom of God? His answer…
Why of all questions was this asked of Obama? Why not his view on who Jesus is? Or what he thinks about the “end times” ideas? Why the kingdom of God?
The editors of Newsweek understand that the kingdom of God is not just confined to religion. It is a political idea.
The idea of kingdom is dangerous because it usually means there is one agenda… the advantage of the king or the king’s interests. Kingdom usually means conquering all that is not in the kingdom and co-opting it for one’s own interests.
Understanding more about the book of Matthew highlights this potentially political message of Jesus
Most scholars assume that Matthew was writing to a Jewish audience in the period of time after the Temple had fallen. Since the temple has fallen, Judaism has lost its primary reference point and there were many voices vying to define what Judaism should be. Matthew is one of those voices. He is writing from a small minority population within Judaism making his case for Jesus and Jesus’ understanding of Judaism.
So we shouldn’t be surprised to find some echoes of the Hebrew Scriptures here and to assume that Matthew’s intended audience would recognize the allusions. And Jesus gives us a clue that we should expect that at the end of this section… “Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like the master of a household who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old.” (v.52)
Let’s start with the OLD.
The images Jesus uses here echo images in Hebrew Scriptures. They represent home, promise, longing and judgment.
- Ezekiel and the tree – Ez. 17
- Sarah making bread from 3 measures of flour – Genesis 18
- Jeremiah and the field – Jer 32
But the application here is not to a kingdom on earth, not the hope of the physical kingdom of Israel… it is the kingdom of HEAVEN.
Matthew is the only one that uses this phrase… “the kingdom of heaven” instead of kingdom of God.
At first glance, this phrase can make the kingdom seem farther off, something to hope for in the far-off future reign of God.
But these parables are anything but other-worldly. Let’s start to look at them.
WHAT IS NEW
What is the kingdom of heaven like?
The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that someone took and sowed in his field; it is the smallest of all the seeds, but when it has grown it is the greatest of shrubs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.”
The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour until all of it was leavened.”
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which someone found and hid; then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls; on finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.
There are volumes to say about each of these but there are also some commonalities.
First, all of these things are found in places that you usually don’t find kingdom.
And they are found people that usually have nothing to do with kingdoms… a farmer, a housewife, a field laborer, a merchant
This is an affront to our assumed idea of kingdom and Jesus seems to be purposely drawing this contrast. The kingdom of heaven is not found in palaces and on battlefields. It is found in the common places doing common tasks, in the smallest of things.
FAITH – you have to know something to see the potential in these small places – that the mustard seed will grow and provide shade for the birds, that the leaven will help the bread to raise and be edible for your family/friends, that the treasure is worth more than the price of the field, that the pearl is worth all you have.
None of the results of these actions were their own. The farmer cannot MAKE the mustard seed grow, nor can the woman make the bread rise… faith in the process
What is our faith in? Sometimes I think that it is hard to see beyond our small worlds… what gives us any basis of faith?
It is the vision of God in Jesus come to earth, opening his arms and declaring that God loves the world and deeply desires to be reconciled. This is the ultimate basis of our faith… a God who LOVES and is constantly seeking reconciliation. When we see this, we begin to recognize the mustard seeds and pearls among us… the small out of the way that we are asked to invest.
Richard Rohr – “The opposite of faith is not doubt, it is fear.”
Second, even though each of these things is found, there is something to be DONE.
The mustard seed must be planted
The yeast must be mixed.
The treasure had to be hid so that the field could be bought at a lower price.
All other pearls must be sold to buy the one pearl of great value.
LOVE – action must be taken – this is our part. This is what makes the kingdom come alive. As Paul says… the greatest of these is love for without love.
Matthew says later it is the cup of cold water to a child, the visit to the prisoner…
Third, each of these parables contains an element of TIME. The kingdom doesn’t fully develop immediately
The mustard seed must grow
The bread must rise
The field had to be bought before the treasure could be claimed.
Likewise, the merchant had to sell everything first
HOPE –a vision of the kingdom of God… Israel called it shalom and we see it revealed in Jesus. As we will look at next week, part of this vision includes all being fed and cared for… Theologians talk about the “now and not yet-ness” of the kingdom. That it is both here and also ahead of us. That instead of moving from past to present to future, the future of God is actually pulling us forward.
Rom. 8:22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now; 23 and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
In this waiting… it is messy and sometimes hard to see., v. 47-50 = the messiness of the kingdom
WHAT IS the kingdom of heaven?
Jesus teaches it is not attached to a political ideology or nation… but has political implications – it affects systems and the lives of others.
When we begin to act in the seeing of faith, the action of love and the expectant waiting of hope, the kingdom of God begins to grow in our lives individually and spills out… the birds find places to nest, bread is fed to the hungry and treasure is opened and shared.
The kingdom begins to grow in us and out from us when we follow in the way of Jesus– in proclaiming release to the captives, welcoming the outcast and comforting the widow.
The kingdom of heaven is found in the smallest of things, planted with courageous faith in acts of love, living in hopeful expectation that the kingdom will grow and all will live fully reconciled to each other, to creation and to God.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
what (i think) they want to hear vs. who i am
Last night my oldest daughter made several revealing statements about me.
She is at that age where she gets that it's fun to know someone's likes and dislikes and to be "in the know" on certain juicy details. And, as her mom, she knows a lot of mine.
But I don't like everyone knowing that I am really excited about the likely possibility Barack Obama will be president. Where I come from, that just about amounts to heresy. I have "switched sides" on so many things that I know what will/could be said about me if my true preferences were known to certain people.
Add to that... in my growing up, sameness and solidarity were virtues. I hardly even met a democrat until I was in college. And it is only the last few years that I have regularly known women that are in roles in the church that were forbidden by the theology of my youth. Having the same beliefs were good... it meant Dobson did his job and you had been turned into the right kind of person.
But is that what I want to teach my daughter?? Do I want to teach her that the things you believe in and that make you unique should be hidden when you're not in like company?
I believe there's such a thing as discretion... keeping your mouth shut when it's not worth a battle. But hiding and shame are different and I err way too far over on that side of things for fear that I'll be rejected and not liked and no longer listened to.
I have come a long way on this. At some point, my calling to ministry forced me to "come out" as a woman called to ordained ministry and, on the other side, with my friends who are not religious, as a person who strongly believes and pursues a Christian faith journey. My choices reveal me, certainly.
But last night, I watched myself quieting my daughter with eyes of shame for the things she revealed about me that I didn't want anyone to know. Some of it was appropriate, but mostly, I was teaching her shame.
For her sake and for mine, I will continue to grow into living confidently, boldly, courageously... trusting in the grace of God for all of us and remembering it's not about being perfect or being liked but being fully human.
"The glory of God is man (and woman) fully alive" -Irenaeus
She is at that age where she gets that it's fun to know someone's likes and dislikes and to be "in the know" on certain juicy details. And, as her mom, she knows a lot of mine.
But I don't like everyone knowing that I am really excited about the likely possibility Barack Obama will be president. Where I come from, that just about amounts to heresy. I have "switched sides" on so many things that I know what will/could be said about me if my true preferences were known to certain people.
Add to that... in my growing up, sameness and solidarity were virtues. I hardly even met a democrat until I was in college. And it is only the last few years that I have regularly known women that are in roles in the church that were forbidden by the theology of my youth. Having the same beliefs were good... it meant Dobson did his job and you had been turned into the right kind of person.
But is that what I want to teach my daughter?? Do I want to teach her that the things you believe in and that make you unique should be hidden when you're not in like company?
I believe there's such a thing as discretion... keeping your mouth shut when it's not worth a battle. But hiding and shame are different and I err way too far over on that side of things for fear that I'll be rejected and not liked and no longer listened to.
I have come a long way on this. At some point, my calling to ministry forced me to "come out" as a woman called to ordained ministry and, on the other side, with my friends who are not religious, as a person who strongly believes and pursues a Christian faith journey. My choices reveal me, certainly.
But last night, I watched myself quieting my daughter with eyes of shame for the things she revealed about me that I didn't want anyone to know. Some of it was appropriate, but mostly, I was teaching her shame.
For her sake and for mine, I will continue to grow into living confidently, boldly, courageously... trusting in the grace of God for all of us and remembering it's not about being perfect or being liked but being fully human.
"The glory of God is man (and woman) fully alive" -Irenaeus
Friday, July 11, 2008
Shalom and inclusive language
This morning Audra discovered the Hebrew word for peace/well-being/wholeness/fullness of life which is Shalom. She kept talking about it and goofing around and then asked her sister, "Emme, do you have shalom?"
Emme screwed her face up and said, "no"
And then I jokingly asked her, "do you feel peaceful?" (she nodded)
"do you feel whole?" (nodded again)
"are you at peace with your fellow man?"
She stopped and looked at me and said, "I don't think I have peace with my fellow MAN"
Ah yes... peace must extend beyond MEN if it is to be truly shalom.
Thanks for the reminder Emme. Our speech comes so quickly and easily sometimes. We have to make the effort to trip over our words in order to say what we truly want to say. And when it comes to God, we must especially trip over our words to remember there is a mystery and incomprehensible reality that will not be contained in our quick speech and gendered pronouns.
Emme screwed her face up and said, "no"
And then I jokingly asked her, "do you feel peaceful?" (she nodded)
"do you feel whole?" (nodded again)
"are you at peace with your fellow man?"
She stopped and looked at me and said, "I don't think I have peace with my fellow MAN"
Ah yes... peace must extend beyond MEN if it is to be truly shalom.
Thanks for the reminder Emme. Our speech comes so quickly and easily sometimes. We have to make the effort to trip over our words in order to say what we truly want to say. And when it comes to God, we must especially trip over our words to remember there is a mystery and incomprehensible reality that will not be contained in our quick speech and gendered pronouns.
what would motivate me to be on a committee for the presbyterian church (usa)
SO I have never considered myself much of an institution person and as you can see from my reflections on GA, I am a bit ambivalent about it still but there are things about the institution of the PC(USA) that I love and as I become more familiar with them, I have become very excited about.
One of those things is the Book of Confessions. It is a collection of documents from the past half millenium that have formed the church's self-understanding. In other words, it says what the church is, believes and intends to do. In the 20th century, two documents were added. One was the Barmen Declaration which was written by the Confessing Church in Hitler's Germany to say why they would not sanction the Nazi regime. The other is the Confession of 1967 which is one of the reasons I am Presbyterian. It is a beautiful statement of the centrality of reconciliation to the Christian faith.
While I was at GA, they passed a resolution to continue study of the Belhar Confession. You can read about its history here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belhar_Confession. I am hoping to be on the committee that continues this study and this morning I wrote my request to our oh so distinguished moderator, Bruce Reyes- Chow. I thought I'd share it here:
Request to be considered for the committee on the Belhar Confession
Jennifer Warner
Reconciliation is the heart of the gospel. The Confession of 1967 articulates that it is also at the heart of the PC(USA). In line with this firmly held conviction, the Belhar Confession stands as a statement made from on-the-ground struggle for reconciliation. It takes the belief in reconciliation from the halls and pages of academia and church structure and makes reconciliation concrete, immediate and urgent.
Considering Belhar for inclusion in the Book of Confessions is significant on several levels. First, if accepted, it would be the first document written and set in the Global South, providing a significant post-colonial voice and directing the church’s action in a world that is increasingly globalized and in a global church whose locus is shifting southward. Second, it makes a significant ecumenical statement by stating solidarity and unity with the larger Reformed global community where it works for justice and unity. Third, Belhar tells a story. The story contained in Belhar and the stories of racism and discrimination that it will draw out have the power to change individual and communal beliefs and engage the church in concrete and intentional actions of reconciliation. These actions are as important in the U.S. as they are in South Africa in our international, national and local actions and self-understanding.
Because of this, I would be honored to serve on the committee considering the inclusion of The Belhar Confession in the Book of Confessions. In the committee, I would bring gifts of theological study, writing and clear communication to the committee. I have studied and worked in diverse cross-cultural and theological settings, and continue to keep a foot in both academic and church settings. I have been involved with the emergent church movement for over six years, which has a strong commitment to global and postcolonial voices. I have studied the PC(USA) and Reformed Church of America study guides to Belhar and plan to lead a group of churches through the study of the Belhar this coming year. As part of a polity course, I sat in the discussion on committee at the 218th General Assembly where Belhar was discussed and became familiar with some of the issues involved in adopting Belhar. Lastly, I bring a deep passion for reconciliation and believe that it must continue to penetrate the church in body, spirit, soul and mind.
Pray for the decisions made regarding this committee and all of the committees. While it can all feel very political and bureaucratic, there is some significant and important work to be done that has huge potential for the action of the church in the world.
One of those things is the Book of Confessions. It is a collection of documents from the past half millenium that have formed the church's self-understanding. In other words, it says what the church is, believes and intends to do. In the 20th century, two documents were added. One was the Barmen Declaration which was written by the Confessing Church in Hitler's Germany to say why they would not sanction the Nazi regime. The other is the Confession of 1967 which is one of the reasons I am Presbyterian. It is a beautiful statement of the centrality of reconciliation to the Christian faith.
While I was at GA, they passed a resolution to continue study of the Belhar Confession. You can read about its history here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belhar_Confession. I am hoping to be on the committee that continues this study and this morning I wrote my request to our oh so distinguished moderator, Bruce Reyes- Chow. I thought I'd share it here:
Request to be considered for the committee on the Belhar Confession
Jennifer Warner
Reconciliation is the heart of the gospel. The Confession of 1967 articulates that it is also at the heart of the PC(USA). In line with this firmly held conviction, the Belhar Confession stands as a statement made from on-the-ground struggle for reconciliation. It takes the belief in reconciliation from the halls and pages of academia and church structure and makes reconciliation concrete, immediate and urgent.
Considering Belhar for inclusion in the Book of Confessions is significant on several levels. First, if accepted, it would be the first document written and set in the Global South, providing a significant post-colonial voice and directing the church’s action in a world that is increasingly globalized and in a global church whose locus is shifting southward. Second, it makes a significant ecumenical statement by stating solidarity and unity with the larger Reformed global community where it works for justice and unity. Third, Belhar tells a story. The story contained in Belhar and the stories of racism and discrimination that it will draw out have the power to change individual and communal beliefs and engage the church in concrete and intentional actions of reconciliation. These actions are as important in the U.S. as they are in South Africa in our international, national and local actions and self-understanding.
Because of this, I would be honored to serve on the committee considering the inclusion of The Belhar Confession in the Book of Confessions. In the committee, I would bring gifts of theological study, writing and clear communication to the committee. I have studied and worked in diverse cross-cultural and theological settings, and continue to keep a foot in both academic and church settings. I have been involved with the emergent church movement for over six years, which has a strong commitment to global and postcolonial voices. I have studied the PC(USA) and Reformed Church of America study guides to Belhar and plan to lead a group of churches through the study of the Belhar this coming year. As part of a polity course, I sat in the discussion on committee at the 218th General Assembly where Belhar was discussed and became familiar with some of the issues involved in adopting Belhar. Lastly, I bring a deep passion for reconciliation and believe that it must continue to penetrate the church in body, spirit, soul and mind.
Pray for the decisions made regarding this committee and all of the committees. While it can all feel very political and bureaucratic, there is some significant and important work to be done that has huge potential for the action of the church in the world.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Breakfast at Grandma G's
I have had many breakfasts at my Grandpa and Grandma Goehring's house but this morning was the first one in a long time and because I don't get to do it very often, it was poignant. Being there overnight reminded me of all the memories of being a kid... talking underneath the pillow with Julie so our parents couldn't hear, Grandma being conscientious about the temperature of our room and what window to open to get the breeze, watching the news before bedtime, the night light on in the bathroom. Actually, hardly any of these things happened last night. But I remembered them and could feel the cool Lodi evening breeze and see the Sacramento 11 o'clock news even though all the windows were shut tight and everyone went straight to bed after fireworks.
My kids were the first ones up this morning and I was shushing them just like my parents shushed me. As usual, Grandpa wasn't around... but instead of the smell of coffee lingering from his early morning pot before he went out to check on the school that he watched over, he was in bed–the last to get up and not the one to make the coffee.
Breakfast was almost the same... eggs cooked in bacon grease, white Wonder bread toast with butter and strawberry freezer jam (the best taste in the world), and a selection of Svenhard's pastries. Grandma with her International Coffee. Afterwards, the storebought cookies came out. This is food I would scorn on any other day in my Bay Area snobbish foodie world but today it was heaven. I watched my girls down their runny eggs soaked in bacon grease and I couldn't have been happier if they were eating spring greens with a light balsamic vinaigrette and goat cheese on toast.
I love change, travel, big cities, new experiences and culture. I shop at farmers markets, buy organic produce almost exclusively and prefer grass-fed beef over corn-fed. I hardly ever eat off paper plates, recycle every slip of paper and feel guilty about not composting (or at least not yet). I drive a tiny car with two kids in the suburbs. I am enthusiastically voting for Obama. I have done most of my theological studies at one of the most progressive seminaries in the country.
But this morning I was reminded that I am not all that.
I am struggling to describe the conflict in me b/t what I carry as an American raised in the American immigrant's dream in the late 20th century and what I hold as an ecologically conscious progressive type person in the early 21st century. I believe that the future requires we let go of a lot of that dream or at least its baggage but some of that baggage is precious to me. It is not the problem of just the clueless people in middle America. It is mine and my family's. I absolutely adore my Great Aunt who thinks Obama is the anti-Christ. How do I reconcile that?
For today, I am reminded that there are things that we cannot let go of in our future journey. The open heart and warm hospitality of our past must come with us. The connection to the earth should be deepened by our environmental politics not cheapened. We still need to know our neighbors and invite them over for dinner. Extended families need to sit out on the porch and watch the youngest members grow. My kids probably won't be eating Wonder bread and strawberry freezer jam in 30 years but I hope I haven't lost the heart of the ones who put it on the table.
My kids were the first ones up this morning and I was shushing them just like my parents shushed me. As usual, Grandpa wasn't around... but instead of the smell of coffee lingering from his early morning pot before he went out to check on the school that he watched over, he was in bed–the last to get up and not the one to make the coffee.
Breakfast was almost the same... eggs cooked in bacon grease, white Wonder bread toast with butter and strawberry freezer jam (the best taste in the world), and a selection of Svenhard's pastries. Grandma with her International Coffee. Afterwards, the storebought cookies came out. This is food I would scorn on any other day in my Bay Area snobbish foodie world but today it was heaven. I watched my girls down their runny eggs soaked in bacon grease and I couldn't have been happier if they were eating spring greens with a light balsamic vinaigrette and goat cheese on toast.
I love change, travel, big cities, new experiences and culture. I shop at farmers markets, buy organic produce almost exclusively and prefer grass-fed beef over corn-fed. I hardly ever eat off paper plates, recycle every slip of paper and feel guilty about not composting (or at least not yet). I drive a tiny car with two kids in the suburbs. I am enthusiastically voting for Obama. I have done most of my theological studies at one of the most progressive seminaries in the country.
But this morning I was reminded that I am not all that.
I am struggling to describe the conflict in me b/t what I carry as an American raised in the American immigrant's dream in the late 20th century and what I hold as an ecologically conscious progressive type person in the early 21st century. I believe that the future requires we let go of a lot of that dream or at least its baggage but some of that baggage is precious to me. It is not the problem of just the clueless people in middle America. It is mine and my family's. I absolutely adore my Great Aunt who thinks Obama is the anti-Christ. How do I reconcile that?
For today, I am reminded that there are things that we cannot let go of in our future journey. The open heart and warm hospitality of our past must come with us. The connection to the earth should be deepened by our environmental politics not cheapened. We still need to know our neighbors and invite them over for dinner. Extended families need to sit out on the porch and watch the youngest members grow. My kids probably won't be eating Wonder bread and strawberry freezer jam in 30 years but I hope I haven't lost the heart of the ones who put it on the table.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
the 1st of july
So it is now illegal to talk on your cellphone with it up to your ear in California. So far... no transgressions and I'm thankful for my Jawbone.
I had dinner with Rachel tonight. She leave tomorrow morning for her internship in Corvallis, OR. It just seems so hard to believe that all of us are going off to actually work and somewhat be pastors, chaplains, etc. Already, I have 5 Sundays to preach before the end of the year. Someday that won't be a big deal but right now I face them with excitement and a bit of terror as well.
What qualifies someone to be ready to do this kind of stuff? We've passed all our classes but who says we are now ready to get up and talk and lead???
I have to admit I'm ambivalent about it all. I think I'm caught b/t a few things. On one hand, I think really anyone can do this. Educated or not, we all have the capacity to give to another and whether it's on a large scale or small, anyone and everyone should be able to do this. ON the other hand, I've seen a lot of immaturity in my fellow seminarians and am well acquainted with it in myself. Do we really trust the church to people such as ourselves? But who else would do it? Someone that is circumspect, boring and super-human???? That is a problem in and of itself.
The good Reformed answer.... we trust the grace of God. Easily said and hard to do.
God be with all of us as we head out. May we see the fruit of all our study and may the new work produce good fruit in us... leading us deeper into the image of Christ.
I had dinner with Rachel tonight. She leave tomorrow morning for her internship in Corvallis, OR. It just seems so hard to believe that all of us are going off to actually work and somewhat be pastors, chaplains, etc. Already, I have 5 Sundays to preach before the end of the year. Someday that won't be a big deal but right now I face them with excitement and a bit of terror as well.
What qualifies someone to be ready to do this kind of stuff? We've passed all our classes but who says we are now ready to get up and talk and lead???
I have to admit I'm ambivalent about it all. I think I'm caught b/t a few things. On one hand, I think really anyone can do this. Educated or not, we all have the capacity to give to another and whether it's on a large scale or small, anyone and everyone should be able to do this. ON the other hand, I've seen a lot of immaturity in my fellow seminarians and am well acquainted with it in myself. Do we really trust the church to people such as ourselves? But who else would do it? Someone that is circumspect, boring and super-human???? That is a problem in and of itself.
The good Reformed answer.... we trust the grace of God. Easily said and hard to do.
God be with all of us as we head out. May we see the fruit of all our study and may the new work produce good fruit in us... leading us deeper into the image of Christ.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
the end of June
I have been waiting for tonight to come... for the end of all of June's activities... to be able to SLEEP in my own bed, BE with my girls and not have to GO anywhere for a whole month.
But I find myself feeling sad and let down tonight. This month was filled with activities, people and places that I have looked forward to for SO long... interviewing and becoming a candidate for ordination in the PCUSA, NYC, Princeton, great theological conversation, learning to knit in Central Park from Rachel, the end of Audra's school year, General Assembly, being with my friends from seminary for the last time before we all head off to internships, meeting new people at GA, learning SO much about being Presbyterian, staying in a hotel all by myself for 4 days, Krista and Tim's wedding, watching the girls as flower girl and ringbearer, and lastly having a day long visit with the Websters. What a lot of events for one month. I am in DESPERATE need of rest but also am sad June is passing.
Thank you Sustainer of Life for pulling all of us through this month... for caring for the girls in my absence, for opening new doors of interest and possibility, for the gift of so many amazing friends (new and old). Give me the courage to rest, trusting what's ahead to you and to be faithful in my rest to your calling.
But I find myself feeling sad and let down tonight. This month was filled with activities, people and places that I have looked forward to for SO long... interviewing and becoming a candidate for ordination in the PCUSA, NYC, Princeton, great theological conversation, learning to knit in Central Park from Rachel, the end of Audra's school year, General Assembly, being with my friends from seminary for the last time before we all head off to internships, meeting new people at GA, learning SO much about being Presbyterian, staying in a hotel all by myself for 4 days, Krista and Tim's wedding, watching the girls as flower girl and ringbearer, and lastly having a day long visit with the Websters. What a lot of events for one month. I am in DESPERATE need of rest but also am sad June is passing.
Thank you Sustainer of Life for pulling all of us through this month... for caring for the girls in my absence, for opening new doors of interest and possibility, for the gift of so many amazing friends (new and old). Give me the courage to rest, trusting what's ahead to you and to be faithful in my rest to your calling.
I now pronounce you husband and wife...
Yesterday I had the honor of conducting my first wedding for one of my dearest friends, Krista.
It was a wonderful day... casual but elegant and it felt like one big family gathered around to celebrate Krista and Tim. Co-officiating the ceremony with Lorca was really fun and all the more so because everything was very real and down-to-earth... no pretense, just joy and celebration at the joining of these two amazing people.
I now wish I had gotten married under a chuppah and with less pomp and circumstance. I guess that's part of the benefit of getting married later... those things don't matter anymore. :) It was a truly sacred space and it was so fun to see how completely engaged Krista and Tim were in the whole day.
I'll post pictures later...
It was a wonderful day... casual but elegant and it felt like one big family gathered around to celebrate Krista and Tim. Co-officiating the ceremony with Lorca was really fun and all the more so because everything was very real and down-to-earth... no pretense, just joy and celebration at the joining of these two amazing people.
I now wish I had gotten married under a chuppah and with less pomp and circumstance. I guess that's part of the benefit of getting married later... those things don't matter anymore. :) It was a truly sacred space and it was so fun to see how completely engaged Krista and Tim were in the whole day.
I'll post pictures later...
day #7 (fri)
Friday morning was interesting. The Assembly voted to remove the clause from ordination that requires candidates to be either chaste or married to someone of the opposite sex. This obviously clears a major hurdle towards the full inclusion of gays and lesbians into ordination in the PCUSA.
I think some people in our class were faster to grasp the significance of the decision than I was. I was wrapped up in what was ahead and getting out of there in time to get to Krista's wedding. But as I watched people's faces and listened to their reactions, I realized how deeply split the church this is. What might be a victory to some was a major defeat to others. Some faces were tense, many eyes shed tears. As I walked away, I realized that no matter what the decision, there is no real victory for anyone because some will leave. It is not that I don't think a decision had to be made... these things have to be dealt with and the church must decide after years of policies that are being questioned. It is just sad to see good, honest, God-seeking people be so divided.
Being at the 218th General Assembly was QUITE an experience and an education and it was also a great honor. I am excited about the many possibilities ahead but I left with deep sadness for the division and struggle the church will go through in the coming weeks and months.
I think some people in our class were faster to grasp the significance of the decision than I was. I was wrapped up in what was ahead and getting out of there in time to get to Krista's wedding. But as I watched people's faces and listened to their reactions, I realized how deeply split the church this is. What might be a victory to some was a major defeat to others. Some faces were tense, many eyes shed tears. As I walked away, I realized that no matter what the decision, there is no real victory for anyone because some will leave. It is not that I don't think a decision had to be made... these things have to be dealt with and the church must decide after years of policies that are being questioned. It is just sad to see good, honest, God-seeking people be so divided.
Being at the 218th General Assembly was QUITE an experience and an education and it was also a great honor. I am excited about the many possibilities ahead but I left with deep sadness for the division and struggle the church will go through in the coming weeks and months.
Friday, June 27, 2008
day #6 (thurs)
The motion to study the Heidelberg passed!!! It was the same sort of debate heard in the committee but with new voices... an expert in French translation who spoke to the atrocity of adding personal opinion into translation, young adults who insisted that the confessional documents be as free from scribal error as possible.
I am wrestling with my own bias. Because I want the Heidelberg changes to pass, it is easy to see each person who speaks in favor as fairly reasoned and each person who speaks against as irrational ideologues who can't see it for what it it. Of course, it goes the opposite way from the other side as well. Again, I am reminded that I must still listen even when I don't want to or I'm sure of what I think... to be ready to embrace even when it means opening myself to something I don't like.
Our class is having a hard time keeping still. We are all deeply vested in these issues and are talking, engaging and sitting on the edges of our seats as votes come up on the floor. We keep getting in trouble by other observers, our professors, etc. :) Oh well... it is fun to care what happens especially for someone like me who could've cared less a week ago.
I continue to be moved by the vision of the Belhar and have some ideas to study it next year... it would be especially exciting to bring in some different racial/ethnic groups to study with us at the church. Or maybe a larger Presbytery study? I am drawn in by the confessions in a way I never thought possible (yet again) and excited about the possibilities that they can have on our churches, our lives and our world.
I am wrestling with my own bias. Because I want the Heidelberg changes to pass, it is easy to see each person who speaks in favor as fairly reasoned and each person who speaks against as irrational ideologues who can't see it for what it it. Of course, it goes the opposite way from the other side as well. Again, I am reminded that I must still listen even when I don't want to or I'm sure of what I think... to be ready to embrace even when it means opening myself to something I don't like.
Our class is having a hard time keeping still. We are all deeply vested in these issues and are talking, engaging and sitting on the edges of our seats as votes come up on the floor. We keep getting in trouble by other observers, our professors, etc. :) Oh well... it is fun to care what happens especially for someone like me who could've cared less a week ago.
I continue to be moved by the vision of the Belhar and have some ideas to study it next year... it would be especially exciting to bring in some different racial/ethnic groups to study with us at the church. Or maybe a larger Presbytery study? I am drawn in by the confessions in a way I never thought possible (yet again) and excited about the possibilities that they can have on our churches, our lives and our world.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Day #5 (wed)
Today deliberations began on the floor of the GA. All the committees present their reports and then the whole assembly can debate and then votes.
It all draws you in… hearing the comments, critiquing the logic and then waiting for the votes to come in. Just like talk radio or cable television during a crucial news time. You watch and talk and hear the same things over and over, waiting for a new nuance or insight and then… the vote! I am a bit of a political junkie so one part of me loves this stuff.
On the other hand, I keep thinking about all the time and money that is spent here. Bringing all these people together… is this it?
One more tension. Sometimes the people who speak seem to have waited all year or all their lives to get up and speak. To me it seems like they take themselves too seriously and need to get a life. Not to mention there are professional and educated people who bring the recommendations to the assembly. Who are these people to try to reinvent and question these educated recommendations??? Wow… that’s judgmental, isn’t it?? Because on the other hand, what a beauty in the mess to have all these people come together and speak their mind. And don’t we believe that it is in the least of these that wisdom and truth can emerge? Yes, but once again, that belief is not convenient nor efficient. And as one who is in the educated class, it is too easy for me to dismiss the contribution of these faithful and serious people.
So once again… Christ have mercy on your church including me.
It all draws you in… hearing the comments, critiquing the logic and then waiting for the votes to come in. Just like talk radio or cable television during a crucial news time. You watch and talk and hear the same things over and over, waiting for a new nuance or insight and then… the vote! I am a bit of a political junkie so one part of me loves this stuff.
On the other hand, I keep thinking about all the time and money that is spent here. Bringing all these people together… is this it?
One more tension. Sometimes the people who speak seem to have waited all year or all their lives to get up and speak. To me it seems like they take themselves too seriously and need to get a life. Not to mention there are professional and educated people who bring the recommendations to the assembly. Who are these people to try to reinvent and question these educated recommendations??? Wow… that’s judgmental, isn’t it?? Because on the other hand, what a beauty in the mess to have all these people come together and speak their mind. And don’t we believe that it is in the least of these that wisdom and truth can emerge? Yes, but once again, that belief is not convenient nor efficient. And as one who is in the educated class, it is too easy for me to dismiss the contribution of these faithful and serious people.
So once again… Christ have mercy on your church including me.
Day #4 (tues)
Today I am happy to report that my committee passed the resolution to commend a study of the Belhar Confession to the PCUSA for inclusion in the Book of Confessions. This is exciting for many reasons. For one, the confession is a strong statement against racism. But possibly more exciting, it is written and emanates from the Global South. It is so exciting to think about this being included in the Book of Confessions. I am also hoping to do one of my courses next year on the Belhar Confessions at Clayton Valley. Wes Grandberg-Michaelson who is the head of the RCA gave me one of his copies of the RCA study guide so I am looking forward to using it in addition to the PCUSA one.
This is probably the first time I have been so immersed in such a political process. In some ways it is discouraging… can’t we just pray and decide? And I think there could be more of that in the meetings but I also appreciate deeply the way each person is given a voice.
This is probably the first time I have been so immersed in such a political process. In some ways it is discouraging… can’t we just pray and decide? And I think there could be more of that in the meetings but I also appreciate deeply the way each person is given a voice.
Monday, June 23, 2008
GA day #3
Today I sat in my committee all day. The hot issue was a change to the translation of the Heidelberg Catechism in several places but the hotly contested issue is question 87 in which one of the sins listed is "homosexual perversion." This phrase is NOT in the original German or Latin. There were references to several Scriptures made as a footnote and one refers to sodomy/homosexual perversion/sexual perversion (translated differently by different translations). The translators in 1962 decided to add in this phrase out of concern for the impact of the sexual revolution and the need to clarify what they though the Heidelberg writers intended. Several more conservative denominations, including ones that do not ordain women like the Christian Reformed Church have rejected this erroneous translation in favor of ones more true to the original document. However, the PCUSA Book of Confessions still has the 1962 translation.
However, it was clear from the beginning this morning that the more conservative groups view this as a battle in the war for full inclusion for gays and lesbians. There were a fairly even amount of speakers this morning in favor and against.
As the debate within the committee began this afternoon, I was greatly disturbed by the way the conservatives were talking and strategizing amongst themselves. And at one point, one of the primary leaders of the Presbyterian Coalition (the umbrella group for the conservative perspective) came in, sat in the front row right behind them and was advising them by nods of the head and subtle comments.
I feel so deeply saddened by the way they conducted themselves because they weren't listening. They knew what they were going to do before they came in. No matter how deeply held their convictions are, I would hope they could truly listen and consider the motion for what it is.
I have my own opinions on the motion (I think a new Heidelberg catechism translation SHOULD be used) but they really have nothing to do with my own view on the homosexual ordination issue. I have a complex view on full inclusion and feel it is much more nuanced issue than most make it. However, despite my own view, I was so saddened by what I saw from this group. It seemed they are interested in only their own voices and their own power.
However, I still hope that I can listen to them and to others and refuse to just draw up my own boundaries nice and tight and not let anyone else in. By God's grace and with God's help... Christ, have mercy on your church.
However, it was clear from the beginning this morning that the more conservative groups view this as a battle in the war for full inclusion for gays and lesbians. There were a fairly even amount of speakers this morning in favor and against.
As the debate within the committee began this afternoon, I was greatly disturbed by the way the conservatives were talking and strategizing amongst themselves. And at one point, one of the primary leaders of the Presbyterian Coalition (the umbrella group for the conservative perspective) came in, sat in the front row right behind them and was advising them by nods of the head and subtle comments.
I feel so deeply saddened by the way they conducted themselves because they weren't listening. They knew what they were going to do before they came in. No matter how deeply held their convictions are, I would hope they could truly listen and consider the motion for what it is.
I have my own opinions on the motion (I think a new Heidelberg catechism translation SHOULD be used) but they really have nothing to do with my own view on the homosexual ordination issue. I have a complex view on full inclusion and feel it is much more nuanced issue than most make it. However, despite my own view, I was so saddened by what I saw from this group. It seemed they are interested in only their own voices and their own power.
However, I still hope that I can listen to them and to others and refuse to just draw up my own boundaries nice and tight and not let anyone else in. By God's grace and with God's help... Christ, have mercy on your church.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
GA day #2
It has been a full day. It's after midnight. I'm tired.
I'm starting to get my brain around what happens here at the GA. Issues are discussed and voted on in committees and in the larger assembly. Everything is done "decently and in order." As a new Presby, I am amazed by all the various ministries and opportunities within the PCUSA and encouraged by the breadth of outreach and engagement the church has. It is truly an amazing group of people with a rich history...
And looking ahead... tonight was a historic step as an emergent pastor was elected Moderator of the PCUSA. Bruce Reyes-Chow is a New Church Development pastor in San Francisco. I studied his church in a class two years ago and almost did an internship at his church next year so it has been really fun to see someone I know come into this. The moderator is the position which is the official face of the church. Bruce will be traveling extensively in the next 2 years... building bridges, stimulating vision and setting direction. What is exciting is he really is committed to the denomination while at the same time being his Bobo, emergent, postmodern, urban, non-traditional, family-man self. Gives me a lot of hope that I might fit into this denomination myself.
My brain is dead. Time for bed.
I'm starting to get my brain around what happens here at the GA. Issues are discussed and voted on in committees and in the larger assembly. Everything is done "decently and in order." As a new Presby, I am amazed by all the various ministries and opportunities within the PCUSA and encouraged by the breadth of outreach and engagement the church has. It is truly an amazing group of people with a rich history...
And looking ahead... tonight was a historic step as an emergent pastor was elected Moderator of the PCUSA. Bruce Reyes-Chow is a New Church Development pastor in San Francisco. I studied his church in a class two years ago and almost did an internship at his church next year so it has been really fun to see someone I know come into this. The moderator is the position which is the official face of the church. Bruce will be traveling extensively in the next 2 years... building bridges, stimulating vision and setting direction. What is exciting is he really is committed to the denomination while at the same time being his Bobo, emergent, postmodern, urban, non-traditional, family-man self. Gives me a lot of hope that I might fit into this denomination myself.
My brain is dead. Time for bed.
Friday, June 20, 2008
GA day #1.2
Six hours of class time later, I'm feeling slightly more adjusted to the idea of the GA... It is a hugely political and structured process. And uh... where is the Spirit in all of this? Thankfully, Elizabeth Nordquist spoke last about the spirituality of the conference. She said the first aspect of Reformed spirituality (assuming Reformed types have a different spirituality than everyone else. :) ) is gratitude. God has reached out to us in grace. All we can do is respond in gratitude. She encouraged us to list 5 things we are grateful for every day... places where we find the grace of God. So here are 5 of mine so far:
1. Good friends who I journey with and love me even when I'm grumpy, tired and angry at the injustices and pain of life (more on that later)
2. A seminary president who is willing to listen and strategize with me for my internship next year.
3. The gift of Gail, my supervising pastor next year, who is becoming a good friend as well as a fantastic mentor.
4. Chocolate, hotel iPod speakers, and a room all to myself providing much needed solitude.
5. Tears of grief coming in worship as my heart is softened by the Spirit to FEEL and ENGAGE instead of just survive.
As with any conference, it is the conversations in the hallways and at the bar that are the best part. Connecting people, hearing their stories, sharing my own and gaining new insights from our conversations.
I also found out tonight that one of my good friends has cancer and is facing an aggressive surgery in the next month. I am angry that this is the diagnosis and feel impotent in the face of her struggle. Oh God be near to her and her family. May the suffering AND risen Christ comfort and guide them through.
1. Good friends who I journey with and love me even when I'm grumpy, tired and angry at the injustices and pain of life (more on that later)
2. A seminary president who is willing to listen and strategize with me for my internship next year.
3. The gift of Gail, my supervising pastor next year, who is becoming a good friend as well as a fantastic mentor.
4. Chocolate, hotel iPod speakers, and a room all to myself providing much needed solitude.
5. Tears of grief coming in worship as my heart is softened by the Spirit to FEEL and ENGAGE instead of just survive.
As with any conference, it is the conversations in the hallways and at the bar that are the best part. Connecting people, hearing their stories, sharing my own and gaining new insights from our conversations.
I also found out tonight that one of my good friends has cancer and is facing an aggressive surgery in the next month. I am angry that this is the diagnosis and feel impotent in the face of her struggle. Oh God be near to her and her family. May the suffering AND risen Christ comfort and guide them through.
GA day #1
So here I am in my hotel room for the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA) with little idea of what to expect. All these Presbyterians coming from all over the country to do what? My hope is that we are seeking God together and that somehow in the craziness of all the expense (!!!) put into this meeting, the church is equipped to move deeper into the theme of the convention... love mercy, do justice and walk humbly with our God. At least the conference title is hopeful. We'll see...
Either way, I am taking a class called "Presbyterian: Principles and Practices" and so I am here as an observer and learner to delve deep into this world of Presbyterian polity and government. I am pretty new to the Presbyterian church and new to the whole world of Reformed and/or mainline denominations period. Having been in Baptist or free church or no church communities for most of my life, all this structure is really foreign. I appreciate the care and intentionality of it but I also question how much of it is sustainable in a country that puts little stake in denominations and is so wary of religious institutions... On the other hand, the history and careful deliberating of the Presbyterian church, while checkered, has brought forth amazing movements of freedom and justice for many and they continue to seek to make new inroads. In fact, a lot of the history of the American church can be found by tracking the movements within the PCUSA. But is it still the case now? And is the ordination of homosexuals the burning question or do we need to just move past it so we can address real things like poverty, human slavery, environmental crisis? Is our work this week creating communities of faith, love and hope that live together in gracious hospitality and continually extend that hospitality to the world?
So I will try to blog about what I see and hear and where I find myself in these thousands of Presbys in hot San Jose, California
Either way, I am taking a class called "Presbyterian: Principles and Practices" and so I am here as an observer and learner to delve deep into this world of Presbyterian polity and government. I am pretty new to the Presbyterian church and new to the whole world of Reformed and/or mainline denominations period. Having been in Baptist or free church or no church communities for most of my life, all this structure is really foreign. I appreciate the care and intentionality of it but I also question how much of it is sustainable in a country that puts little stake in denominations and is so wary of religious institutions... On the other hand, the history and careful deliberating of the Presbyterian church, while checkered, has brought forth amazing movements of freedom and justice for many and they continue to seek to make new inroads. In fact, a lot of the history of the American church can be found by tracking the movements within the PCUSA. But is it still the case now? And is the ordination of homosexuals the burning question or do we need to just move past it so we can address real things like poverty, human slavery, environmental crisis? Is our work this week creating communities of faith, love and hope that live together in gracious hospitality and continually extend that hospitality to the world?
So I will try to blog about what I see and hear and where I find myself in these thousands of Presbys in hot San Jose, California
Saturday, May 24, 2008
the great banquet
On Tuesday Emme and I went to the Farmer's Market in downtown Concord. As usual, Todos Santos Plaza was filled with fantastic produce and a large diversity of people. Many of the homes for the mentally challenged bring their residents every Tuesday to sit on the grass and listen to the live music.
After Emme and I got our lunch, we sat down and savored our tamale (for her) and falafel (for me). We noticed that several people from these homes were dancing out in the middle of the grass. As I watched them, I saw the uninhibited joy in their faces. I watched the caregivers dancing with them, wiping their faces after they ate and taking picture after picture. And I thought of the parable of the Great Banquet from Luke 14:12-24:
He said also to the one who had invited him, “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”
One of the dinner guests, on hearing this, said to him, “Blessed is anyone who will eat bread in the kingdom of God!” Then Jesus said to him, “Someone gave a great dinner and invited many. At the time for the dinner he sent his slave to say to those who had been invited, ‘Come; for everything is ready now.’ But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said to him, ‘I have bought a piece of land, and I must go out and see it; please accept my regrets.’ Another said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to try them out; please accept my regrets.’ Another said, ‘I have just been married, and therefore I cannot come.’ So the slave returned and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and said to his slave, ‘Go out at once into the streets and lanes of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.’ And the slave said, ‘Sir, what you ordered has been done, and there is still room.’ Then the master said to the slave, ‘Go out into the roads and lanes, and compel people to come in, so that my house may be filled. For I tell you, none of those who were invited will taste my dinner.’”
Here it was in front of me... the Great Banquet! Emme and I began to talk about the people there and she said, "So if you're not very smart, then you dance?" And I said, "No Emme, the ones dancing are the smart ones. It's those of us who are just sitting here that aren't very smart." She sat thoughtfully for awhile longer and then she handed me her tamale, got up and said, "I want to dance." She timidly went to the dancers and one woman was blowing bubbles so Emme started to chase the bubbles. For about 15 min she chased them and our new friend kept blowing and blowing. We said thank you and walked away, glowing from our acceptance of the invitation to dance.
Monday, May 5, 2008
grace
ponder this definition of grace from the lyrics of a Sara Groves song...
"And this is grace... an invitation to be beautiful."
For me, that pulls grace right out of the religious abstract realm and right into the place we live and how it might function in the midst of the ugliness and injustice in the world and in our own hearts.
Her prayer for herself, "I want to add to the beauty."
"And this is grace... an invitation to be beautiful."
For me, that pulls grace right out of the religious abstract realm and right into the place we live and how it might function in the midst of the ugliness and injustice in the world and in our own hearts.
Her prayer for herself, "I want to add to the beauty."
Thursday, April 24, 2008
fava beans
Tonight Emme and I shelled and cooked 2 pounds of fava beans. About four years ago, I discovered this amazing spring delicacy. To me, these are one of the most fantastic and funny foods ever created. Easily confused with lima beans, they are anything but drab. Each pod is thick, nobby and downright ugly but inside is a white velvet lining which cushions the beans like they are the queen's jewels. But the protection doesn't end there... the beans in the shell have a second lining around them. After briefly boiling the little beans, the outer grayish green lining peels off to reveal a bright green delicate bean. Perfectly cooked, it has a slight crunch and a very mellow taste. I can't say what it tastes like except that it tastes like spring and is best prepared with other delicate spring flavors... green garlic, asparagus, and english peas. Below is my favorite recipe for fava beans... kind of a fava bean pesto.
These fava beans reminded me of the sheer pleasure of preparing food, of sharing local, organic produce bought from the farmer's market with my daughter. I was reminded that it is this connection to the earth that is life-giving for me, my family and creation. I was reminded that these fava beans are a lot like people and me in particular... a little lumpy, misshapen and irregular but whose heart is tenderly held and nurtured, and when given over to grace, able to nourish others. I needed this reminder today.
Fava Bean Tagliatelle
1.5 -2 lbs fresh fava beans
1.5 cups coarsely chopped fresh basil
2 stalks green garlic or 2 cloves, chopped
1/4 cup olive oil (preferably extra-virgin)
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
8 ounces tagliatelle or fettuccine
1/3 cup freshly grated pecorino Romano cheese
Shell the beans and cook beans in large pot of boiling salted water until crisp-tender, about 3 minutes. Using slotted spoon, transfer beans to large bowl. Reserve water in pot. •Combine approx. 3/4 cups beans, 1 cup chopped basil and garlic in processor. Using on/off turns, process until beans are coarsely chopped. •Transfer mixture to bowl with whole beans. Add remaining 1 cup basil, olive oil and fresh lemon juice. Stir to blend. Season bean mixture to taste with salt and pepper. • Meanwhile, cook pasta in same pot of boiling salted water until tender but still firm to bite. Drain pasta, reserving 1 cup cooking liquid. Return pasta to pot. •Stir 1/4 cup reserved cooking liquid into bean mixture. Add to pasta. Add 1/3 cup grated pecorino Romano cheese and enough remaining cooking liquid to moisten. Season pasta to taste with salt and pepper and serve.
Makes 4 first-course servings.
from farmfreshtoyou.com
These fava beans reminded me of the sheer pleasure of preparing food, of sharing local, organic produce bought from the farmer's market with my daughter. I was reminded that it is this connection to the earth that is life-giving for me, my family and creation. I was reminded that these fava beans are a lot like people and me in particular... a little lumpy, misshapen and irregular but whose heart is tenderly held and nurtured, and when given over to grace, able to nourish others. I needed this reminder today.
Fava Bean Tagliatelle
1.5 -2 lbs fresh fava beans
1.5 cups coarsely chopped fresh basil
2 stalks green garlic or 2 cloves, chopped
1/4 cup olive oil (preferably extra-virgin)
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
8 ounces tagliatelle or fettuccine
1/3 cup freshly grated pecorino Romano cheese
Shell the beans and cook beans in large pot of boiling salted water until crisp-tender, about 3 minutes. Using slotted spoon, transfer beans to large bowl. Reserve water in pot. •Combine approx. 3/4 cups beans, 1 cup chopped basil and garlic in processor. Using on/off turns, process until beans are coarsely chopped. •Transfer mixture to bowl with whole beans. Add remaining 1 cup basil, olive oil and fresh lemon juice. Stir to blend. Season bean mixture to taste with salt and pepper. • Meanwhile, cook pasta in same pot of boiling salted water until tender but still firm to bite. Drain pasta, reserving 1 cup cooking liquid. Return pasta to pot. •Stir 1/4 cup reserved cooking liquid into bean mixture. Add to pasta. Add 1/3 cup grated pecorino Romano cheese and enough remaining cooking liquid to moisten. Season pasta to taste with salt and pepper and serve.
Makes 4 first-course servings.
from farmfreshtoyou.com
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
today i had lunch with a fabulous woman who is on a difficult journey... questioning the faith of her childhood and choosing to struggle even though it would be much easier to either reject it altogether or accept it blindly. that is courage.
this is one of my favorite poems and i kept thinking about it while we were talking...
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Vol. 1
so tonight i am praying for my new friend and all the rest of us who are edge-dwellers... who can't not question and who struggle with truth and knowing and the unanswerable questions of life. may life in the margins draw us to others that are in the margins economically, socially, physically and emotionally and may God give us the courage to follow Her where She leads.
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