I have been waiting for tonight to come... for the end of all of June's activities... to be able to SLEEP in my own bed, BE with my girls and not have to GO anywhere for a whole month.
But I find myself feeling sad and let down tonight. This month was filled with activities, people and places that I have looked forward to for SO long... interviewing and becoming a candidate for ordination in the PCUSA, NYC, Princeton, great theological conversation, learning to knit in Central Park from Rachel, the end of Audra's school year, General Assembly, being with my friends from seminary for the last time before we all head off to internships, meeting new people at GA, learning SO much about being Presbyterian, staying in a hotel all by myself for 4 days, Krista and Tim's wedding, watching the girls as flower girl and ringbearer, and lastly having a day long visit with the Websters. What a lot of events for one month. I am in DESPERATE need of rest but also am sad June is passing.
Thank you Sustainer of Life for pulling all of us through this month... for caring for the girls in my absence, for opening new doors of interest and possibility, for the gift of so many amazing friends (new and old). Give me the courage to rest, trusting what's ahead to you and to be faithful in my rest to your calling.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I now pronounce you husband and wife...
Yesterday I had the honor of conducting my first wedding for one of my dearest friends, Krista.
It was a wonderful day... casual but elegant and it felt like one big family gathered around to celebrate Krista and Tim. Co-officiating the ceremony with Lorca was really fun and all the more so because everything was very real and down-to-earth... no pretense, just joy and celebration at the joining of these two amazing people.
I now wish I had gotten married under a chuppah and with less pomp and circumstance. I guess that's part of the benefit of getting married later... those things don't matter anymore. :) It was a truly sacred space and it was so fun to see how completely engaged Krista and Tim were in the whole day.
I'll post pictures later...
It was a wonderful day... casual but elegant and it felt like one big family gathered around to celebrate Krista and Tim. Co-officiating the ceremony with Lorca was really fun and all the more so because everything was very real and down-to-earth... no pretense, just joy and celebration at the joining of these two amazing people.
I now wish I had gotten married under a chuppah and with less pomp and circumstance. I guess that's part of the benefit of getting married later... those things don't matter anymore. :) It was a truly sacred space and it was so fun to see how completely engaged Krista and Tim were in the whole day.
I'll post pictures later...
day #7 (fri)
Friday morning was interesting. The Assembly voted to remove the clause from ordination that requires candidates to be either chaste or married to someone of the opposite sex. This obviously clears a major hurdle towards the full inclusion of gays and lesbians into ordination in the PCUSA.
I think some people in our class were faster to grasp the significance of the decision than I was. I was wrapped up in what was ahead and getting out of there in time to get to Krista's wedding. But as I watched people's faces and listened to their reactions, I realized how deeply split the church this is. What might be a victory to some was a major defeat to others. Some faces were tense, many eyes shed tears. As I walked away, I realized that no matter what the decision, there is no real victory for anyone because some will leave. It is not that I don't think a decision had to be made... these things have to be dealt with and the church must decide after years of policies that are being questioned. It is just sad to see good, honest, God-seeking people be so divided.
Being at the 218th General Assembly was QUITE an experience and an education and it was also a great honor. I am excited about the many possibilities ahead but I left with deep sadness for the division and struggle the church will go through in the coming weeks and months.
I think some people in our class were faster to grasp the significance of the decision than I was. I was wrapped up in what was ahead and getting out of there in time to get to Krista's wedding. But as I watched people's faces and listened to their reactions, I realized how deeply split the church this is. What might be a victory to some was a major defeat to others. Some faces were tense, many eyes shed tears. As I walked away, I realized that no matter what the decision, there is no real victory for anyone because some will leave. It is not that I don't think a decision had to be made... these things have to be dealt with and the church must decide after years of policies that are being questioned. It is just sad to see good, honest, God-seeking people be so divided.
Being at the 218th General Assembly was QUITE an experience and an education and it was also a great honor. I am excited about the many possibilities ahead but I left with deep sadness for the division and struggle the church will go through in the coming weeks and months.
Friday, June 27, 2008
day #6 (thurs)
The motion to study the Heidelberg passed!!! It was the same sort of debate heard in the committee but with new voices... an expert in French translation who spoke to the atrocity of adding personal opinion into translation, young adults who insisted that the confessional documents be as free from scribal error as possible.
I am wrestling with my own bias. Because I want the Heidelberg changes to pass, it is easy to see each person who speaks in favor as fairly reasoned and each person who speaks against as irrational ideologues who can't see it for what it it. Of course, it goes the opposite way from the other side as well. Again, I am reminded that I must still listen even when I don't want to or I'm sure of what I think... to be ready to embrace even when it means opening myself to something I don't like.
Our class is having a hard time keeping still. We are all deeply vested in these issues and are talking, engaging and sitting on the edges of our seats as votes come up on the floor. We keep getting in trouble by other observers, our professors, etc. :) Oh well... it is fun to care what happens especially for someone like me who could've cared less a week ago.
I continue to be moved by the vision of the Belhar and have some ideas to study it next year... it would be especially exciting to bring in some different racial/ethnic groups to study with us at the church. Or maybe a larger Presbytery study? I am drawn in by the confessions in a way I never thought possible (yet again) and excited about the possibilities that they can have on our churches, our lives and our world.
I am wrestling with my own bias. Because I want the Heidelberg changes to pass, it is easy to see each person who speaks in favor as fairly reasoned and each person who speaks against as irrational ideologues who can't see it for what it it. Of course, it goes the opposite way from the other side as well. Again, I am reminded that I must still listen even when I don't want to or I'm sure of what I think... to be ready to embrace even when it means opening myself to something I don't like.
Our class is having a hard time keeping still. We are all deeply vested in these issues and are talking, engaging and sitting on the edges of our seats as votes come up on the floor. We keep getting in trouble by other observers, our professors, etc. :) Oh well... it is fun to care what happens especially for someone like me who could've cared less a week ago.
I continue to be moved by the vision of the Belhar and have some ideas to study it next year... it would be especially exciting to bring in some different racial/ethnic groups to study with us at the church. Or maybe a larger Presbytery study? I am drawn in by the confessions in a way I never thought possible (yet again) and excited about the possibilities that they can have on our churches, our lives and our world.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Day #5 (wed)
Today deliberations began on the floor of the GA. All the committees present their reports and then the whole assembly can debate and then votes.
It all draws you in… hearing the comments, critiquing the logic and then waiting for the votes to come in. Just like talk radio or cable television during a crucial news time. You watch and talk and hear the same things over and over, waiting for a new nuance or insight and then… the vote! I am a bit of a political junkie so one part of me loves this stuff.
On the other hand, I keep thinking about all the time and money that is spent here. Bringing all these people together… is this it?
One more tension. Sometimes the people who speak seem to have waited all year or all their lives to get up and speak. To me it seems like they take themselves too seriously and need to get a life. Not to mention there are professional and educated people who bring the recommendations to the assembly. Who are these people to try to reinvent and question these educated recommendations??? Wow… that’s judgmental, isn’t it?? Because on the other hand, what a beauty in the mess to have all these people come together and speak their mind. And don’t we believe that it is in the least of these that wisdom and truth can emerge? Yes, but once again, that belief is not convenient nor efficient. And as one who is in the educated class, it is too easy for me to dismiss the contribution of these faithful and serious people.
So once again… Christ have mercy on your church including me.
It all draws you in… hearing the comments, critiquing the logic and then waiting for the votes to come in. Just like talk radio or cable television during a crucial news time. You watch and talk and hear the same things over and over, waiting for a new nuance or insight and then… the vote! I am a bit of a political junkie so one part of me loves this stuff.
On the other hand, I keep thinking about all the time and money that is spent here. Bringing all these people together… is this it?
One more tension. Sometimes the people who speak seem to have waited all year or all their lives to get up and speak. To me it seems like they take themselves too seriously and need to get a life. Not to mention there are professional and educated people who bring the recommendations to the assembly. Who are these people to try to reinvent and question these educated recommendations??? Wow… that’s judgmental, isn’t it?? Because on the other hand, what a beauty in the mess to have all these people come together and speak their mind. And don’t we believe that it is in the least of these that wisdom and truth can emerge? Yes, but once again, that belief is not convenient nor efficient. And as one who is in the educated class, it is too easy for me to dismiss the contribution of these faithful and serious people.
So once again… Christ have mercy on your church including me.
Day #4 (tues)
Today I am happy to report that my committee passed the resolution to commend a study of the Belhar Confession to the PCUSA for inclusion in the Book of Confessions. This is exciting for many reasons. For one, the confession is a strong statement against racism. But possibly more exciting, it is written and emanates from the Global South. It is so exciting to think about this being included in the Book of Confessions. I am also hoping to do one of my courses next year on the Belhar Confessions at Clayton Valley. Wes Grandberg-Michaelson who is the head of the RCA gave me one of his copies of the RCA study guide so I am looking forward to using it in addition to the PCUSA one.
This is probably the first time I have been so immersed in such a political process. In some ways it is discouraging… can’t we just pray and decide? And I think there could be more of that in the meetings but I also appreciate deeply the way each person is given a voice.
This is probably the first time I have been so immersed in such a political process. In some ways it is discouraging… can’t we just pray and decide? And I think there could be more of that in the meetings but I also appreciate deeply the way each person is given a voice.
Monday, June 23, 2008
GA day #3
Today I sat in my committee all day. The hot issue was a change to the translation of the Heidelberg Catechism in several places but the hotly contested issue is question 87 in which one of the sins listed is "homosexual perversion." This phrase is NOT in the original German or Latin. There were references to several Scriptures made as a footnote and one refers to sodomy/homosexual perversion/sexual perversion (translated differently by different translations). The translators in 1962 decided to add in this phrase out of concern for the impact of the sexual revolution and the need to clarify what they though the Heidelberg writers intended. Several more conservative denominations, including ones that do not ordain women like the Christian Reformed Church have rejected this erroneous translation in favor of ones more true to the original document. However, the PCUSA Book of Confessions still has the 1962 translation.
However, it was clear from the beginning this morning that the more conservative groups view this as a battle in the war for full inclusion for gays and lesbians. There were a fairly even amount of speakers this morning in favor and against.
As the debate within the committee began this afternoon, I was greatly disturbed by the way the conservatives were talking and strategizing amongst themselves. And at one point, one of the primary leaders of the Presbyterian Coalition (the umbrella group for the conservative perspective) came in, sat in the front row right behind them and was advising them by nods of the head and subtle comments.
I feel so deeply saddened by the way they conducted themselves because they weren't listening. They knew what they were going to do before they came in. No matter how deeply held their convictions are, I would hope they could truly listen and consider the motion for what it is.
I have my own opinions on the motion (I think a new Heidelberg catechism translation SHOULD be used) but they really have nothing to do with my own view on the homosexual ordination issue. I have a complex view on full inclusion and feel it is much more nuanced issue than most make it. However, despite my own view, I was so saddened by what I saw from this group. It seemed they are interested in only their own voices and their own power.
However, I still hope that I can listen to them and to others and refuse to just draw up my own boundaries nice and tight and not let anyone else in. By God's grace and with God's help... Christ, have mercy on your church.
However, it was clear from the beginning this morning that the more conservative groups view this as a battle in the war for full inclusion for gays and lesbians. There were a fairly even amount of speakers this morning in favor and against.
As the debate within the committee began this afternoon, I was greatly disturbed by the way the conservatives were talking and strategizing amongst themselves. And at one point, one of the primary leaders of the Presbyterian Coalition (the umbrella group for the conservative perspective) came in, sat in the front row right behind them and was advising them by nods of the head and subtle comments.
I feel so deeply saddened by the way they conducted themselves because they weren't listening. They knew what they were going to do before they came in. No matter how deeply held their convictions are, I would hope they could truly listen and consider the motion for what it is.
I have my own opinions on the motion (I think a new Heidelberg catechism translation SHOULD be used) but they really have nothing to do with my own view on the homosexual ordination issue. I have a complex view on full inclusion and feel it is much more nuanced issue than most make it. However, despite my own view, I was so saddened by what I saw from this group. It seemed they are interested in only their own voices and their own power.
However, I still hope that I can listen to them and to others and refuse to just draw up my own boundaries nice and tight and not let anyone else in. By God's grace and with God's help... Christ, have mercy on your church.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
GA day #2
It has been a full day. It's after midnight. I'm tired.
I'm starting to get my brain around what happens here at the GA. Issues are discussed and voted on in committees and in the larger assembly. Everything is done "decently and in order." As a new Presby, I am amazed by all the various ministries and opportunities within the PCUSA and encouraged by the breadth of outreach and engagement the church has. It is truly an amazing group of people with a rich history...
And looking ahead... tonight was a historic step as an emergent pastor was elected Moderator of the PCUSA. Bruce Reyes-Chow is a New Church Development pastor in San Francisco. I studied his church in a class two years ago and almost did an internship at his church next year so it has been really fun to see someone I know come into this. The moderator is the position which is the official face of the church. Bruce will be traveling extensively in the next 2 years... building bridges, stimulating vision and setting direction. What is exciting is he really is committed to the denomination while at the same time being his Bobo, emergent, postmodern, urban, non-traditional, family-man self. Gives me a lot of hope that I might fit into this denomination myself.
My brain is dead. Time for bed.
I'm starting to get my brain around what happens here at the GA. Issues are discussed and voted on in committees and in the larger assembly. Everything is done "decently and in order." As a new Presby, I am amazed by all the various ministries and opportunities within the PCUSA and encouraged by the breadth of outreach and engagement the church has. It is truly an amazing group of people with a rich history...
And looking ahead... tonight was a historic step as an emergent pastor was elected Moderator of the PCUSA. Bruce Reyes-Chow is a New Church Development pastor in San Francisco. I studied his church in a class two years ago and almost did an internship at his church next year so it has been really fun to see someone I know come into this. The moderator is the position which is the official face of the church. Bruce will be traveling extensively in the next 2 years... building bridges, stimulating vision and setting direction. What is exciting is he really is committed to the denomination while at the same time being his Bobo, emergent, postmodern, urban, non-traditional, family-man self. Gives me a lot of hope that I might fit into this denomination myself.
My brain is dead. Time for bed.
Friday, June 20, 2008
GA day #1.2
Six hours of class time later, I'm feeling slightly more adjusted to the idea of the GA... It is a hugely political and structured process. And uh... where is the Spirit in all of this? Thankfully, Elizabeth Nordquist spoke last about the spirituality of the conference. She said the first aspect of Reformed spirituality (assuming Reformed types have a different spirituality than everyone else. :) ) is gratitude. God has reached out to us in grace. All we can do is respond in gratitude. She encouraged us to list 5 things we are grateful for every day... places where we find the grace of God. So here are 5 of mine so far:
1. Good friends who I journey with and love me even when I'm grumpy, tired and angry at the injustices and pain of life (more on that later)
2. A seminary president who is willing to listen and strategize with me for my internship next year.
3. The gift of Gail, my supervising pastor next year, who is becoming a good friend as well as a fantastic mentor.
4. Chocolate, hotel iPod speakers, and a room all to myself providing much needed solitude.
5. Tears of grief coming in worship as my heart is softened by the Spirit to FEEL and ENGAGE instead of just survive.
As with any conference, it is the conversations in the hallways and at the bar that are the best part. Connecting people, hearing their stories, sharing my own and gaining new insights from our conversations.
I also found out tonight that one of my good friends has cancer and is facing an aggressive surgery in the next month. I am angry that this is the diagnosis and feel impotent in the face of her struggle. Oh God be near to her and her family. May the suffering AND risen Christ comfort and guide them through.
1. Good friends who I journey with and love me even when I'm grumpy, tired and angry at the injustices and pain of life (more on that later)
2. A seminary president who is willing to listen and strategize with me for my internship next year.
3. The gift of Gail, my supervising pastor next year, who is becoming a good friend as well as a fantastic mentor.
4. Chocolate, hotel iPod speakers, and a room all to myself providing much needed solitude.
5. Tears of grief coming in worship as my heart is softened by the Spirit to FEEL and ENGAGE instead of just survive.
As with any conference, it is the conversations in the hallways and at the bar that are the best part. Connecting people, hearing their stories, sharing my own and gaining new insights from our conversations.
I also found out tonight that one of my good friends has cancer and is facing an aggressive surgery in the next month. I am angry that this is the diagnosis and feel impotent in the face of her struggle. Oh God be near to her and her family. May the suffering AND risen Christ comfort and guide them through.
GA day #1
So here I am in my hotel room for the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA) with little idea of what to expect. All these Presbyterians coming from all over the country to do what? My hope is that we are seeking God together and that somehow in the craziness of all the expense (!!!) put into this meeting, the church is equipped to move deeper into the theme of the convention... love mercy, do justice and walk humbly with our God. At least the conference title is hopeful. We'll see...
Either way, I am taking a class called "Presbyterian: Principles and Practices" and so I am here as an observer and learner to delve deep into this world of Presbyterian polity and government. I am pretty new to the Presbyterian church and new to the whole world of Reformed and/or mainline denominations period. Having been in Baptist or free church or no church communities for most of my life, all this structure is really foreign. I appreciate the care and intentionality of it but I also question how much of it is sustainable in a country that puts little stake in denominations and is so wary of religious institutions... On the other hand, the history and careful deliberating of the Presbyterian church, while checkered, has brought forth amazing movements of freedom and justice for many and they continue to seek to make new inroads. In fact, a lot of the history of the American church can be found by tracking the movements within the PCUSA. But is it still the case now? And is the ordination of homosexuals the burning question or do we need to just move past it so we can address real things like poverty, human slavery, environmental crisis? Is our work this week creating communities of faith, love and hope that live together in gracious hospitality and continually extend that hospitality to the world?
So I will try to blog about what I see and hear and where I find myself in these thousands of Presbys in hot San Jose, California
Either way, I am taking a class called "Presbyterian: Principles and Practices" and so I am here as an observer and learner to delve deep into this world of Presbyterian polity and government. I am pretty new to the Presbyterian church and new to the whole world of Reformed and/or mainline denominations period. Having been in Baptist or free church or no church communities for most of my life, all this structure is really foreign. I appreciate the care and intentionality of it but I also question how much of it is sustainable in a country that puts little stake in denominations and is so wary of religious institutions... On the other hand, the history and careful deliberating of the Presbyterian church, while checkered, has brought forth amazing movements of freedom and justice for many and they continue to seek to make new inroads. In fact, a lot of the history of the American church can be found by tracking the movements within the PCUSA. But is it still the case now? And is the ordination of homosexuals the burning question or do we need to just move past it so we can address real things like poverty, human slavery, environmental crisis? Is our work this week creating communities of faith, love and hope that live together in gracious hospitality and continually extend that hospitality to the world?
So I will try to blog about what I see and hear and where I find myself in these thousands of Presbys in hot San Jose, California
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