what (i think) they want to hear vs. who i am

Last night my oldest daughter made several revealing statements about me.

She is at that age where she gets that it's fun to know someone's likes and dislikes and to be "in the know" on certain juicy details. And, as her mom, she knows a lot of mine.

But I don't like everyone knowing that I am really excited about the likely possibility Barack Obama will be president. Where I come from, that just about amounts to heresy. I have "switched sides" on so many things that I know what will/could be said about me if my true preferences were known to certain people.

Add to that... in my growing up, sameness and solidarity were virtues. I hardly even met a democrat until I was in college. And it is only the last few years that I have regularly known women that are in roles in the church that were forbidden by the theology of my youth. Having the same beliefs were good... it meant Dobson did his job and you had been turned into the right kind of person.

But is that what I want to teach my daughter?? Do I want to teach her that the things you believe in and that make you unique should be hidden when you're not in like company?

I believe there's such a thing as discretion... keeping your mouth shut when it's not worth a battle. But hiding and shame are different and I err way too far over on that side of things for fear that I'll be rejected and not liked and no longer listened to.

I have come a long way on this. At some point, my calling to ministry forced me to "come out" as a woman called to ordained ministry and, on the other side, with my friends who are not religious, as a person who strongly believes and pursues a Christian faith journey. My choices reveal me, certainly.

But last night, I watched myself quieting my daughter with eyes of shame for the things she revealed about me that I didn't want anyone to know. Some of it was appropriate, but mostly, I was teaching her shame.

For her sake and for mine, I will continue to grow into living confidently, boldly, courageously... trusting in the grace of God for all of us and remembering it's not about being perfect or being liked but being fully human.

"The glory of God is man (and woman) fully alive" -Irenaeus